this just has baby written all over it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
