so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
