Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
