Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
