i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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