he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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