I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
