Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
