Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
