im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
