I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
