all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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