I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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