I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
