No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
