dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
