i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
