If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
