Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
