We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
