Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
