My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
