I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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