these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
