Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me I should be a condom model.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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