pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
