I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
