I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
