I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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