Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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