I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize