Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
then he tried to convert me to islam
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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