Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
