So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
