Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im holly from the hills drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize