A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have aggressive nipples.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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