Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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