I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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