At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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