How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize