There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
