why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
