you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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