someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
