u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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