mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
