my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
