hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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