I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
