Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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