Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
