Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
