I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
