so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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