There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So gin and wine won't be happening again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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