So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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